Counting sheep

This is horrible horrible insomnia. I am left with choice but to come here. I am not focusing on my work and I am not falling asleep. When my mind is left alone it does a lot of thinking. A lot of thinking usually leads me here.

I really dread A levels. I wanna get it over and done with quick. I don't know what's with me lately, I am feeling more individualistic than ever. I want to walk the streets alone. I want to be able to do things free from any judgements. I want to not worry about the tone in my voice not matching up to what I feel in my heart. I am so easily annoyed now, with senseless behaviour, with dependent people, with pretentious people, with other all sorts of people. It kind of worry me, sets me thinking about what kind of person I was and have become. I realised that this is sort of what I have always wanted, to be more of myself, to live by what I feel not what other people think. I find myself less eager to fix misunderstands, less eager to do the explaining. I mean, if people want to think what they think, letting them be wouldn't make my life any worse off. You can't please everyone out there, people say. All I did was to truly understand. 

Sometimes I do wonder if I brought it overboard, but no. People don't make insensitive comments and put their friends down all the time. People also don't not place trust in friends and thinks that every friend out there is out to bring them down. I really don't know if every incident was a purpose or an accident, but it was one time too many. I let it go so many times, so many times. I really can't look at you the same way anymore. I know my attitude is horrendous now, but it came to an extent that I can't help it. Maybe you will never figure it out and think of me in anyway you inferred and deduced. Maybe you figured it all out. No matter this is genuinely how I feel now. And I think it's really dumb to dwell on this, so please stop sending those mind games signals, because I am not even playing mind games with you so get over it. All I really want to do now is to work hard and get what I want. Some stress is probably what I need to get rid of right now.